On Mascots

Armed Mascot 2
Originally uploaded by Butch Wynegar.

No player, stadium, or city has gained more respect from me on this trip than the Philly Fanatic. Yes, he or she is probably an underpaid college student in a green-feathered costume with a Phillies hat stapled to its head, but he or she is great.

I began to understand this in Philly on Friday night, because in person the Fanatic's antics -- particularly its ability to convincingly portray several different emotions despite a never-changing rictus, and its freely tearing around the outfield on a four-wheeler -- are far more enlivening than can be ascertained on television. But my impression of the bird/alien/muppet's greatness was doubled, and then tripled, over the next two days.

In D.C., the Nationals are cheered on by "Screech," presumably a foam eagle, but really a mascot so uninspiring and poorly built that he didn't even warrant our wasting a photo on him. Pittsburgh tried a bit harder, but still came up well short. The Pirates are cheered on by a mascot that can only be described as a drunk parakeet. He is pictured above, wielding a bazooka, out of which he was launching hot dogs into a pleading crowd (no, not T-shirts; not rally towels; not Pirates caps. Hot dogs. Out of a bazooka.) But putting aside the ridiculous tasks he's asked to perform by the Pirates' front office, he's not worth his weight in bird feed.

The Fanatic, on the other hand, is the Ernest Hemingway of baseball mascots: He does a specific thing very effectively and makes it seem very simple. This perceived simplicity inspires countless imitators, and they invariably end up looking like jackasses. --JW